If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
