she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
