I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
