If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
