So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
