this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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