Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
