If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
