i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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