i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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