idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
