Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
