update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
