2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
time to smoke my breakfast
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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