she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
