i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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