you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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