She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
