My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
