Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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