She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
