Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
