I am puke
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
