Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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