i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
