I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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