So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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