Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
