Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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