its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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