i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
