I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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