There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Never underestimate the power of titties
He has the fingertips of a God
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
