This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
