Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
