you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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