youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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