Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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