he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't deserve a penis
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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