My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
