worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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