Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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