Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
