I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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