the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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