We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
