I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We smell like vodka and hangover
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