He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The air taste purple.
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