I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
