the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
