Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
