Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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