Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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